Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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