Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
