Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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