I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
