I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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