Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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