she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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