I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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