i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
