Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
