so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
