Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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