FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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