just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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