bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
