I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
