the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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