hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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