Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
