Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
