Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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