watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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