He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
