i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
