He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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