We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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