So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
