don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
