just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize