I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
