Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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