Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
