Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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