I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
