I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
