I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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