I cannot find my penis.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
