I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
