My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
