It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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