He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
