he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drake has all the answers
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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