I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
