I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
