Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
