Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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