I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
