so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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