Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
