fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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