Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize