I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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