I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You made out with two different species that night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
