I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
