just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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