why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
