I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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