I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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