Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
