Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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