just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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