I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
