plz talk dirty to me
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
