god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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