You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
