Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I need moral support for this bender
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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