yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
