And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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