So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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