i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
