Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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